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STANDARD AND MINOR DRAMA, 

No. 263. 



,Z3AS5ZL 



TRIALS OF A 



COUNTRY EDITOR. 



( ORIGINAL SKETCH. ) 



WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, ENTRANCES, AND EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS OF 

THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES AND 

THE WHOLE OF THE BTAGB BUSINESS, CAREFULLY 

MARKED FROM THE MOST APPROVED 

ACTING COPY. 



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AMES 1 PUBLISHING CO, 



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&*3 



ALPHABETICAL LIST QF ^ 

.rimes' Edition af Plays. 

•♦■ ff^e^ •* 

FIFTEEN CENTS EACH UNLESS OTHERWISE MARKED. 



2 
161 
39 
43 

100 
125 

89 
113 
226 

14 
100 
101 

60 
152 
173 
143 
170 
162 
255 
117 
207 

52 

70 
141 

26 
191 
194 

3 

9 

261 

46 

227 

211 

251 

163 

91 

36 

34 

229 

223 

81 

85 

83 

196 

29 

IS 

10 

45 

79 

144 

67 

97 

119 

212 

92 

112 

71 

105 



M. F. 

DRAMAS. 

A Desperate Game 3 2 

After Ten lears 7 5 

A Life's Revenge 7 5 

Arrah de Baugh 7 5 

Aurora Floyd 7 2 

Auld Robin Gray 25c 13 8 

Beauty of Lyons 1J 2 

Bill Detrick 7 3 

Brae, the Poor House Girl.... 4 4 

Brigands of Calabria 6 1 

Conn; or, Love's Victory 11 3 

Dora 5 2 

Driven to the Wall 10 3 

Driven from Home 7 4 

East . Lynne 8 7 

Emigrant's Daughter 8 3 

Factory Girl 6 3 

Fielding Manor 9 6 

Gertie's Vindication 3 3 

Hal Hazard, 25c 10 3 

Heroic Dutchman of '70 8 o 

Henry Granden 11 8 

how He Did It 3 2 

Hidd n Treasures 4 2 

Hunter of the Alps 9 4 

Hidden Hand 15 7 

Lightsi and Shadows of the 

Great Rebellion, 25c 10 5 

Lady of Lyons 12 5 

Lady A ud ley's Secret 6 4 

Lost in London 6 4 

Man and Wife 12 7 

Maud's Peril 5 3 

Midnight Mistake 6 2 

Millie, the Quadroon 4 J 

Miriam's Crime 5 2 

Michael Erie 8 3 

Miller of Derwent Water 5 2 

Mistletoe Bough 7 3 

Mountebanks (The) 6 2 

Old Honesty 5 2 

Old Phi 's Birthday 5 3 

Outcast's Wife 12 3 

Our on the Wo, Id 5 4 

Oath Bound 6 2 

Painter of Ghent 5 3 

Poacher's Doom 8 3 

Reverses 12 6 

Rock Allen 5 3 

Spy of Atlanta, 25c 14 3 

Ttiekla 9 4 

The False Friend 1 

The Fatal Blow 7 1 

The Forty-Niners 10 4 

The lJu ch Recruit '1 c 14 3 

The Gentloman in Black 9 4 

The New Mngda'en S 3 

The Reward of Crime 5 3 

Through Snow and Sunshine 4 



rK 



NO. M. F. 

7 The Vow of the Ornani 7 1 

201 Ticket of Leave Man 9 3 

193 Toodles 7 2 

210 Uncle Tom's Cabin 15 7 

121 Wiil-o'-the-Wisp 9 4 

41 Won at Last 7 3 

192 Zion 7 4 

TEMPERANCE PLAYS. 

73 At Last 7 1 

75 Adrift 5 4 

187 Aunt Dinah's Pledge 3 

254 Dot; the m iner's Daughter... 9 5 

202 Drunkard [The] 13 5 

185 Drunkar 's Warning 6 3 

189 Drunkard's Doom 15 5 

181 Fifte n Years of a Drunk- 
ard's Life 13 4 

183 Fruits of the Wine Cup fi 3 

104 Lost 6 2 

146 Our Awful Aunt 4 4 

53 Out in the Streets 6 4 

51 Rescued 5 3 

59 Saved 2 3 

102 Turn of the Tide 7 4 

63 Three Glasses a Day 4 2 

62 Ten Nights in a Bai-Room... 7 3 

58 Wrecked 9 3 

COMEDIES. 

168 A Pleasure Trip 7 3 

136 A Legal Holiday 5 3 

124 An Afflicted Family 7 5 

i!57 "aught in the Act 7 3 

218 Captured 4 

178 Caste 5 3 

199 Home 4 3 

174 Love's Labor Not Lust 3 3 

149 New Years in N. Y 7 6 

37 Not So Bad After All 6 5 

237 Not Such a F »ol as lie Looks 6 3 

126 Our Daughters 8 

114 Passions 8 4 

219 Rags and Mottles 4 1 

239 Scale with Sharps and Flats.. 3 2 

221 Solon Shingle 14 2 

87 The Biter Bit 3 2 

249 $2,0 JO Reward 2 

TRAGEDIES. 

16 The Serf 6 3 

FARCES AND COMEDIETTAS. 

129 Aar-u-ag-ooa 2 1 

132 Actor and Servant 1 1 

12 A Capital Match 3 2 

166 ATexan Mother-in-Law 4 6 

30 A Day Well Spent 7 5 

109 A Regular Fix 2 4 

60 Alarmingly Suspicious 4 3 

78 An Awful Crinimal 3 3 



-*& THE f^r- 

TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR, 

AN ORIGINAL SKETCH, 



BY- 



Thns. F, Andersan, 

(Of Boston "Traveller.") 

TO WHICH IS ADDED 

A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES-CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- 
ENTRANCES AND EXITS-RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 



«* 



Enlcred according to act of Congress in the uear 1889, by 

AMES' PUBLISHING CO. 
in (he office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington* 






CLYDE, OHIO:- ■ 

AMES' PUBLISHING CO. 



THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR, 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

X. Change, (editor of the "Boomer") Thos. F. Anderson 
A. Hustler, (reporter on "Boomer") Wm. J. Elton 
Mr. Makeup, (foreman of "Boomer" ) Wm. T. Ball 

Clene Gonne, (a spring poet) Wm. W. Crawford 

Abigail Blizzard, (a iron/an suffra- 
gist) Annie L. Moss 

Mrs. Sweethome, (an auti-icoman 

suffragist) Bertha F. Wilder 

I. Tinerant, (a peddler) George Lapham 

G. O. Slow, (office boy) Herbert Riley 

JlMBLAYNE, (office cat) 



-x- 



Time — About 1 hour. 



Costumes —Modern. 



8 TA GE DIliE 7 7 ONS. 

E., means Right; L., Left; r. h„ Right Hand, l. h.. Left Haud; c, Ceotre; -;. •<;; 
2dE.,] Second Entrance; u. e., Upper Entrance; m. d., Middle Door; p., tlu Fi»t; 
D. F., Door in Flat; e. c, Right of Centre; h. c, Left of Centre. 

B. e. c. c. l. c. r,. 

V : The reader i^ supposed to be upon the Stage facing the audience. 



The Trials of a Country Editor. 

SCENE.— Editor's sanctum— table with pens, papers, file, 
paste pot, large pair shears, etc.—ivaste basket, chairs, 
decorations oil wall— office cat chained to leg of chair— 
basket of subscription potatoes, etc. 

Enter, Editor, ragged coat, skull cap, pen behind ear, 
ink spot on nose, tired air— goes to table and lays 
down pile of papers— sits down, legs on another chair 
and begins to write— rings for boy. 

Enter, Boy, slowly, R. 

Editor. Mail come yet? 

Boy. Yess'r! . 

Ed, Why didn't you bring it m then? 

Boy. 'Cause I didn't know you wanted it. (exit R. 

Ed, (reads his article) "We are quite sure that no 
one will accuse us of egotism when we say that of all the 
towns in this state, Beanville takes a long lead in enter- 
prise, patriotism and the good looks of its inhabitants. 

Travel up and 

Enter, Boy, r., with letters. 

Boy. Here y'are! (tossing letters on table and spilling 
on floor) Load of cord wood to pay farmer Haymow's 
back subscription, at the door. 

Ed, (brightening) Oh, is it? Tell him to take it 
round to the wood shed, (exit, Boy, r., growling) I don't 
know what I'm going to do with that boy! He's getting 
so lazy that he wouldn't run for the doctor if he accident- 
ally swallowed arsenic. I'm glad that wood's come, though ! 
I ivould that farmer Haymow sent it around so promptly 



4 THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 

every time. Ha, ha! guess I'll have to put that in the 
tunny column! Well, here goes to say that "We received 
a pleasant call from farmer Haymow this week. He is 
looking remarkably well, just as his crops always do. ,: 
(loriiing) Well, I wonder what we have in the mail this 
morning? (opens letter and reads 

Office of the Grand Consolidated Air Line Transportation and R'y 

Company. 

Mar. 4, 188— 
Mr. Exchange, Esq., Ed. Beanville Boomer. 

Dear Sir : — Your request of the 2nd inst. is at hand. We are very 
sorry to say that under the provisions of the new Inter-State Com- 
merce law, we shall be unable to furnish you a pass to Wayback and 
return. Trusting you will be able to publish the enclosed interest- 
ing item about our enterprising road, and regretting exceedingly 
that Ave are unable to grant 'the desired favor, Ave remain. 

Yours verv trulv, C. O. W. Catcher, 

For theG. C. A. L. T. R. R. Co 

Ed. Well, I think they might have sent it on account 
of charity! Confound the Inter-State Commerce law, 
anyhow! (opens letter No. 2 

Carrot Cokxers, Mar. 2, L88— 
Mister Editor: — Will you kindly oblige a constan' reader of 
your vallyable paper, by stating how long the Democratic party will 
be in poAver, and oblige your Old Subscriber. 

Ed. Well, icliat a question! NoAvthat man Avill proba- 
bly be as mad as a hatter if I tell him that the Democratic 
party will probably be in poAver until the Republicans get 
into power again. (opens Xo. 3 

Neav York, Mar. 2, 188 — 
Mr. Exchange, Pub. Beanville Boomer. 

Dear Sir: — We have to inform you that just before the receipt <>t 
your last order, the price of paste advanced five cents per gallon. 
This Avas evidently caused by so many people pasting "new year's 
resolutions" in their hats, and thus "bearing"' the market. We 
aAvait word from you. Yours truly, 

Flower <& Brush. 

Enter, Boy, k. 

Ed. Say, young felloAv 

Boy. Well, say it! 

Ed. . Are Ave nil out of paste? 

Boy. Yep! 



THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 6 

Ed. That can't be! What's become of that half gallon 
that was in the barrel last Saturday— the barrel I told you 
to keep covered up? 

Boy. Cockroaches got in and eat it up! 

Ed. Poh! you're a healthy office boy! 

(opens letter and reads 

Cl.jXsea, By The Harbor, Mar. 7, 18.8— 
To The Editor of the Beanville Boomer. 

My Dear Sir:— [ am a constant reader of your valuable paper, 
and I never miss a line of it, even the advertisements. I do think 
your leap year poetry is so nice ! What I want to trouble you about 
is this : Can you send me by express, C. O. D., a couple of hundred 
back numbers that you have no use for"? They must be nice and 
crinkly. I want to use them lor bustles. We should be so delighted 
to see you next time you come up this way. 
Yours Respectfully, 

Effie Browning Lowell. 
P. S. Do you think my writing is as good as the average? 

Ed. Yes, Effie dear, it is very sweet, (to boy) Boy, 
send off two hundred back numbers to this address, by 
express. (opens letter and reads 

Bean villi:, Mar. 5, 188— 
Mr. Exchange, Esq. 

Sir:— Again, and for the last time, I call your attention to my 
bill against you that yet remains unpaid. Jt runs back to 1870, and 
I think it high time it was paid. If it is not paid within thirty days, 
1 have been advised by my lawyer to attach your press. The 
amount is $85. Yours," X. Eedle. 

Ed. Humph! tailor's bill! chestnut! 

( opens No. 6 and reads 

Office ot Swindle & Swearem. 

Beanville, Mar. 4, 188— 
Mr. Exchange Ed. Beanville Boomer. 

Sir : — It is our painful duty as attorneys of Hon. J. L. Bird, to in- 
form you that our respected client has entered civil suit against you, 
as editor and publisher of the Boomer, for certain malicious and 
false statements concerning him, printed in your issue of the 22nd 
ult. For the damage you have done his character Mr. Bird de- 
mands that you either make a public retraction of your statements 
or offer evidence to a jury of your peers why you should not pay the 
libellant $15,000. The statements upon which this claim is based 
are as follows : namely, to wit. 

"We understand that the Hon. J. L. Bird is making stenuous 
efforts to get himself elected to the Common Council. It strikes us 
that the Beanville Common Council needs men -with a little larger 



6 THE TRIALS OP A COUNTRY EDITOR, 

amount of brains and honesty than the Hon. J. L. Bird is supplied 
with." 

Under the law you will have ten days to file your answer to this 
suit. Yours, " Swindle & Sweahem, 

Attorneys at Lhw. 

Ed. Whew! That's a pretty how dye do! But I'li fix 
it all right, (writes — to boy) Here, "Lightening," have 
this set up and printed on the first page. 

(exit boy, R. — reads letter No. 7 

"For having printed certain statements in our issue of the 22nd 
ult., regarding Hon. J. L. Bird that were obnoxious to that gentle- 
man we have been requested by him to either publish a retraction of 
the same, or stand a libel suit for $15,000 damages. As we have 
only $14,500 in the treasury at present we choose the former alterna- 
tive, and hereby very cheerfully state that we were entirely wrong 
in the first instance, and that we do not think the Common Council 
requires men of more honesty and intelligence than Mr. Bird." 

Ed. There, I guess that will do! 

(fools with cat and then rings for boy 

Enter, Boy, r., looks inquiringly. 

Ed. Has Mr. Hustler got here yet? 

Boy. Urn! 

Ed, Where is he? 

Boy. Composin' room. 

Ed. Well, tell him I want him at once. Hurry! 

Boy scowls and moves off sloivly — exit, r. Editor plays 

with cat. 

Enter, Mr. Hustler, r., dressed like a country dude, 
cane, big note book, etc., etc. 

Hustler. Hello, old man! what's on today? Anything 
sensational ? 

Ed, (abstractedly) No, not exactly! pretty busy day 
though, and we go to press early to-morrow\ Let's see, 
have you finished that editorial on "Why Blaine with- 
drew?" 

Hus. Yes, I've fixed it so it will please both the Be- 
publicau and Democratic readers and not give any offence 
to the Prohibitionists. Now let's see what's on the slate 
to-day. (takes paper from Editor) Whew! not much 



TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 7 

time to see my best girl to-day! {reads letter 

"Meeting of Farmer's Club at Cabbage Stump Hall at 9 :30. Get 
good report of Deacon Sparrowgrass's address, 10 :45. Horse race at 
the County Fair Grounds— half column report; 11 o'clock funeral of 
.Mrs. Fussanfeathers at the Orthodox church— pav high tribute to 
deceased. 11 :30, meeting of the county Democratic Convention in 
Emerald Hall, give good report of the nominating speeches and 
biography of all those nominated. 12 o'clock— meeting of the 
Society for the Prevention of Rheumatism ; fair report." 

Hits. Jerusalem! That's a pretty good grist! 
Eel. Yes, but that's only your morning assignments. 
After you write those up and get lunch, (sickly smite 
from Hustler ) I want you to go round to the Pork- 
Packer wedding at one o'clock, get a good list of the 
guests, costume of the bride, and, by the way, Mr. Hust- 
ler, don't say that she wore a wreath of orange blossoms 
cut en-train, as you did the last time. Of course I need 
not remind you, Mr. Hustler, that the best way to build 
up our circulation is to print the names of as many peo- 
ple in our paper as possible. That fetches 'em every 
time. After you get through there, you can take a run 
across the river and write a column of what has been go- 
ing on there this week. There's a great bargain opening 
at Grosgrain's this afternoon. I wish you'd give him a 
notice of that. And then this evening — let me see ! The 
Boston Barnstormers present the ''Pirate King" at the 
Lyceum, and the Literary Union gives a big entertain- 
ment at the Methodist Church, both of which will have to 
be noticed. Here are the tickets! (hands tickets to Hust- 
ler) Of course you will keep a good lookout for any- 
thing unusual, like a fire or run away, that may occur. I 
think that's all; if there is anything I've forgotten, I'll 
get word to you. 

Has. (in sarcastic tone) Thanks, awfully! (turning 
to go and coming hack to Editor, saying in confidential 
stage whisper) By the way, old man, my tailor is press- 
ing me very hard this week. Can't you let me have 
something on account of back salary? 

Ed. (looking very doubtful and finally putting his 
hand in pocket) Well, here's a quarter! Best I can do 
now. You can pay him that on account. 

(exit, Hustler, l. in disgust 

Ed. Well! well! I must get to work on my agricul- 
tural column. Let's see! was it "how to plant turnips?" 
or "what cows should be fed on?" that I was writing about 



8 THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 

last. It doesn't make much difference. I don't know 
much about either! (writes — reads) "Cows should 
never be allowed near a pump " 

Enter, Spring Poet, l., lank, long hair, nervous, Oscar 
Wilde manner, big roll of paper. 

Poet Is this — er — the editor, sir? 

Ed. It is. ( aside ) I wonder where he blew in from ? 

Poet. Well — er — which one, may I enquire? 

Ed. Oh, I'm the political editor, the financial editor, the 
circulation editor, the military editor, the telegraph edi- 
tor, the literary editor, the marine editor, the snake-story 
editor, the managing editor, the editor in chief, the 

Poet. Oh, I'm so pleased to find you in! I have been 
so bold as to bring you a slight effusion which my muse 
(Editor looks at cat) has led me to indite. Would it 
be requiring too much condescension on your part to 
kindly oblige me by perusing my little effort? My friends 
all speak very highly of it, and some of them even think 
it ranks with some of Longfellow's, but that is too much 
to expect. My piece is entitled "An Idyll of Spring," and 
I have written forty-eight stanzas. (unrolls 

Ed. (aside) Heavens! Look at the paper factory! 

(Poet reads one verse 

An Idyll of Spring. 

(By Clene Gonne, A. M.) 

The sweet springtime is near at hand, 
The dasies soon will bloom, 
The sound resoundeth thro' the land, 
Of the whitewash brush and broom. 



The sladsome- 



Ed. My dear sir, I should judge that your poem was 
as great a master piece as "Curfew must not ring to- 
night," but we are very much pressed for room this week, 
and haven't got time to get out a supplement. 

Poet. Oh, I wouldn't expect you to do that! You may 
keep it and put it in your next number. I shall not 
charge you anything for it, but of course I shall expect to 
have my name used and about two hundred copies of the 
paper. I wish you good morning, sir! 

(exit, l., slipping as he goes out 

Ed. (puts poem in waste basket, saying) Next week! 



THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 9 

Enter, Foreman, r., paper cap, apron, shirtsleeves rolled 
up, ink on face, etc., v: it li proof of paper. 

Eel. Say, Mr. Make-up, have you set up that story 
about the sea-serpent being seen at Marblehead yet? 

Foreman. No, haven't given it out yet. 

Eel, Well, I wish you'd just add a line and say (ex- 
hibiting poem) that the sea-serpent has been found and 
is now on exhibition at the Boomer office. 

Foreman. Ha, ha! I should say so! By the way, I'm 
in a bad fix! 

Ed. How's that? 

Foreman. Well, that villianous office boy has "pied" a 
whole galley full of "live" matter, including your editorial 
on "Bismark and the Eastern question;" and the worst of 
it is, we can't set it up again, for there wasn't any proof 
of it taken, and one of the printers took your manuscript 
to light his pipe with after he had done with it. 

Ed, (furiously) Discharge that boy, and don't let 
that printer ever take another smoke inside this building 
or he'll go too ! Did you ever ! 

Foreman, (cynically) You can't discharge anybody 
when you owe them three weeks wages. 

Ed, (subsiding) Well, what else is wrong? 

Foreman. Nothing, only I've got ten different adver- 
tisements that have all got to go at the top of a column, 
and I've only got seven columns to put them in. 

Ed. Well, get them all in at the head somehow. 

Foreman. But I (great crash heard) Caesar's 

ghost! there's that press broke down again, and only half 
the outside pages are printed! 

(hurries off, leaving imprint of oidside on table 

Ed. (running fingers through hair and picking up and 
reading paper) Pencils and paste! What's this! "Mr. 
Peter Vandergift has given another large subscription to 
the Unitarian Church. He is the greatest fiend that 
church has ever had." And, oh, my! this! "Our de- 
parted townsman was no less great a Philadelphian than 
he was an Atheist." Cats and dogs! I wrote it— "Our 
departed townsman was no less great a philanthropist 
than he was an artist." Oh, that I could have roast com- 
positor for dinner! 

Enter, Pedler, l. 

Pedler. Any matches, suspenders, collar but 



10 THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 

Ed. (roaring) No o- o!! 

(exit, Pedler, L., in a hurry 

Enter, Boy, shuffling in, it. -yawning sleepily. 

Boy. Say! 

Ed. (testily) Well, what do you want? 

Boy. Foreman says the printers threat'n to go on a strike 
if you don't write plainer. Don't get paid to make out 
mule tracks. Worse'n Horace Greely, you are! 

Ed. ( mad) See here, young fellow, if you don't get 
out of here in double quick time, you'll be carried out! 
Git! (ihroivs book at him — exit, hoy, it. 

Re-enter, Boy, it., poJces his head around door. 

Boy. Say, can I have that money you owe me? 

Ed. (imping off perspiration and tearing up paper) 
Hang the newspaper business anyway! I'd rather be a 
warden in a lunatic asylum. Look at the things a man 
lias got to take in payment for Concord philosophy and 
brainwork that would make a mental wreck of a Harvard 
professor. (pointing to potatoes 

Eider, Mrs. Blizzard, l., woman's rigid air and attire 

sharply. 

Mrs. Blizzard. You the editor? 

Ed. Yes, madame. 

Mrs. B. How dare you write that piece in your last 
paper about women not being fit to be entrusted with the 
right to vote. I would like to know if you have got a 
wife, sir? 

Ed. I have that great happiness. 

Mrs. B. Well, you ought to be all the more ashamed 
of yourself, sir! It has come to a pretty pass, indeed, 
when a piece of human clay like you — a low, mean, brain- 
less idiot, is left at large to write all sorts of libels against 
women- against women, sir! If I had the power you 
wouldn't stay in this town to insult my sex another day, 
so you wouldn't! 

Ed. But, my dear madam, I didn't write that 

Mrs. B. Don't dear madam me, sir! and I don't be- 
lieve your denial! You did write it and I can prove it. 
My name is Abigail Blizzard, sir, and you can stop my 
paper at once. Don't let it come near my house again, 



THE TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 11 

you wretch, you! The Beanville Woman Suffrage League 
will take your case in hand at an early day, sir, at a vcri) 
early day! (exit in a huff L. 

Ed. Well, I'll be keel-hauled if that wasn't a blizzard! 
I must tell Hustler to be more careful the next time he 
writes on such a delicate subject. 

Enter, Mrs. Sweetbone, l., good looking and pleasant. 

Ed. Good morning, madam ! 

Mrs. Sweetbone. Good morning to you, Mr. Change. I 
hope you are well? 

Ed. Oh— yes! Won't you be seated? 

Mrs. & No, I can't stop more than a minute. I only 
dropped in to tell you how pleased I was with your wo- 
man suffrage article last week. It just met my views and 
mostof my friends were delighted' with it, I do think 
that if- women would give more attention to the comfort 
of their husbands and children, and a little less to voting, 
it would be much better for all concerned. You can send 
me an extra copy around to the house every week, and 
here's the money for it, (hands him money) I hope you 
will keep right on in that line, and I think you deserve 
great credit, (turning to go) Oh, what a nice cat! I 
suppose that is the office cat you write about in your pa- 
per sometimes? 

Ed. Yes; without that cat life in the Boomer office 
would be a dreary blank. Do you know that cat is as 
good as a proof-reader? Jimblaine, as we call him, can 
do most everything but set type. Put a paper before him, 
and he will detect an error as soon as he sees it, and just 
as sure as he sees a stale joke printed, he will howl fit to 
bring tears to the eyes of a grave robber. Every article 
on cats or mice has to be read to him before it is printed, 
and he will never let a story go in that says a rat got 
away from a cat, or which mentions the subject of boot- 
jacks in connection with cats. We keep him chained up 
for fear that his inordinate curiosity will get him caught 
in the press, as he did on one occasion. When that 
ca/astrophe occurred we had to say in the Boomer: — "We 
stop the press to inform our readers that our faithful old 
office cat has fallen into it. The present indications are 
that two paws and a part of the tail will be saved. Further 
particulars in later edition." 



12 TRIALS OF A COUNTRY EDITOR. 

Mrs. S. Why, what a wonderful cat! you surprise me! 
Good morning! (exit, L. 

Ed. Well, I declare, if this isn't a queer world! First 
we have a Dakota blizzard, and next a gentle spring 
zephyr. Singular climate, this! I've had enough of it, 
however, and journalism and I must part company, so far 
as this town is concerned, at any rate. Human nature 
can't stand everything and especially blizzards and tailor's 
bills, (rings bell) Farewell, a long farewell, to thee, oh 
Beanville Boomer, will I soon pronounce! (icriting) 
Nevermore will I puff grocery stores for bags of onions; 
never more will I weekly bend my neck to the caustic 
3dict of the aristocratic railroad manager, and never more, 
indeed, will I tempt my fate by placing myself at the 
mercy of the intelligent country compositor. 

Enter, Foreman, Reporter and Boy, r. 

— Listen to this, ye unsympathetic blacksmiths, and go 
hence and meditate upon it. (reads) For sale — The 
Beanville Boomer in hereby offered for sale at reasonable 
rates, subscription list, plant, mortgages, office boy and 
cat will be thrown in, and a splendid chance for an enter- 
prising man to acquire a paper of large circulation and 
great influence is afforded. The reason for selling is that 
the present proprietor has made enough and desires to go 
to Europe for his health." (to foreman) Here, put this 
in your paper. 

Editor picks up cat and vanishes— followed by the others. 
CURTAIN. 



FUN! FUN!! FUN!!! 

THE FUNNIEST COMEDY YET — JUST PUBLISHED, 
ENTITLED 

* CAPTURED; &* 

OR, 

The Old Maid's Triumph. 

Four Acts— Four Male, Five Female Characters. 



Scenery Easily Managed. Costumes Modern. Characters all 

Good. Telling Situations. Susan Tabitha (the old Maid) 

takes the Audience by Storm, as she tries to marry 

every man she meets; if he don't propose she 

does; final success of Susan. If you -want 

a play that is full of fun, and 

sure to please you, order a 

copy of CAPTURED. 

PBICE 15 CENTS. 

Act I.— Home of the Windchester's— Frank Westfield— Arrival 
of the ''Old Maid" ; "I'm tickled een-a-most to death to see you !" 
"Mother Goose's Melodies" — Susan's experience in the stage coach. 
"Only twenty-four, brother."— Christopher Columbus! where am I 
going?" — "I see you, Frankie." — Susan's opinion of Jane. — Polly — 
Amusing love scene between Susan and Frank Westfield— his aston- 
ishment and terror, as she faints in his arms. — Tableau. 

Act II.— Susan's explanation. — "Slang Debolishers Union"— 
"You'd better begin at home!"— A widower— "Good land! if I 
could not get something better than a widower, I wouldn't feel fit to 
soar to the land of milk and honey I" — Sam Sly, Polly's lover, who 
is a widower. — "If he does not propose, I will!" — Susan and Sam« 
Sly. — Love scene between Polly and Sly, which Susan discovers. 
Her anger, and fall. — Susan and Sly loose their wigs. 

Act III.— Joshua Pratt.— Susan's fear of men.— "Help! help!" 
Discovers Joshua — Kidiculous love scene between Susan and Joshua. 
"There's nothing half so sweetin life, as love's young dream. "-Ruts. 
"Help! thieves !"— "It might run up my leg!"— The rescue- 
Susan announces her engagement and determination to go home and 
get married. — The departure. 

Act IV. — Home of Susan Tabitha— Sallie— Discovery of Joshua's 
poverty— Susan's anger and disappointment— "Can we get up ?"-Susan 
cuffs Joshua's ears— Dinner — "Can we eat dinner?"— Susan relates 
her experience to Sallie — Telegram — Arrival and cool reception of 
Charles Westfield and wife— Joshua sleeps— Susan knocks over his 
chair, pulls his hair — A bank check — Susan's promise. — Happy 
ending. 



AN UPB0AB10USLY FUNNY COMEDY— JUST PUBLISHED 

ENTITLED, 

TWO BAD BOYS ! 

OBDEB THE FUNNIEST YET— P BICE 15 CTS. 

SYNOPYSIS. 

Act I.— Scene 1st— Betty's opinion of the one bad boy— Mr. 
Peck decides to take a new wife— Interview between Mr. Peck and 
Henry bad boy Xo. 1.— "Either be good or go to the woodshed in 
company 1 with your father and a shingle." Mrs. Arabella Smith, 
the future Mrs. Peck, and her son Johnny, bad boy No. 1. Henry 
plays tricks on Johnny— Amusing scene between the two bad boys. 
Bad boy No 1 puts cards in his father's pocket— Astonishment of all 
parties when he discovers them— "My views exactly !"— Bad boys 
plays tricks on their parents— Mrs. Smith faints as fire crackers go 
off Scene 2d.— Solomon Isaacs, a Jew— Miss Aubrey, the new gov- 
erness and the minister. Scene 3d.— The bad boys at the grocer's— 
Lots of fun— play jokes on customers, etc.— They put up a job on 
Mr Peck, in which he comes out second best. Scene 4th.— Mr. 
Peck's return home from the grocery— Meets Miss Aubrey— His 
version of the story. Scene 5th.— The wedding— Bad boys stay at 
home— Put placards on Mr. Peck and Mrs. Smith's back, "To be 
o-i yen away!"— "To be sold!"— Mr. Peck returns in a rage, and is 
received by two Indians— A laughable scene— Mrs. Peck takes 
Johnny across her knee. 

Act II. Scene 1st.— Ah Sin's laundry— Betty receives a proposal 

from Ah Sin— Henry and Johnny run the laundry in Ah Sin's ab- 
sence—Solomon Isaac's washing— Return of Ah Sin— An amusing 
scene _Boys put the Chinaman in the tub. Scene 2d.— Bad boys 
get their 'father to consent to join a secret society, the "Ancient 
' Order of Hoodlums," in which McCracken's big goat is to play a 
part. Scene 3d.— Miss Aubrey and Mrs. Smith— A picnic in con- 
templation— Miss Aubrey and Betty, old schoolmates— Schoolroom- 
Boys with Ah Sin take a lesson— "What is a bullock?"— Ah Sin, "A 
smallee bull."— Mr. Peck is initiated into the mysteries of the 
"Hoodlums." 

Act III.— Scene 1st.— Chinaman and feoloinon Isaacs. Scene 2d.— 
The picnic— Tramps— Song— Speeches— Boys do their part to make 
it interesting. . 

Act IV.— Scene 1st.— My. Peck returns from the rink somewhat 
intoxicated— Gives the boys his ideas of temperance— Boys get him 
to learn them to skate— A laughable scene, on which the Reverend 
Baxter appears— All try to run off. Scene ^.—-Solomon Isaacs and 
one bad boy. Scene 3d.— A new version of Uncle Tom's Cabin is 
played— Bad boys take prominent parts— Eva— Grand translormatioi) 
Bcene— Tableau. 




LAYS 



PEICE 15 CENTS EACH. 

Here's an afterpiece that will catch 'em! Just out— 

entitled, 

That Awful Carpet-Bag. 

An original farce, in three scenes, three male and three 
female characters. 



This is an ethiopian farce with an immense nigger— be 
sure and get this one, 
entitled, 

THE BEST CURE. 

A darkey servant has an imaginary illness, and the 

way he is cured will keep the aundience in 

an uproar , for thirty minutes. 

A Domestic Drama with a good moral — entitled, 

GERTIE'S VINDICATION. 

In two acts. Three male and three female characters. 

JACK. THE NEGRO, IS IMMENSE! 

KATY, THE IRISH GIRL, A GOOD CHARACTERI 

Order a copy — It will play 1 1-2 hours, and with an after- 
piece will make an enjoyable evening's 
entertainment for an audience. 



This sketch is a stunner! Funny? Don't mention it! 

It will make an audience laugh more and 

harder than any sketch written in 

years — entitled, 

MIDNIGHT COLIC. 

A LAUGHABLE SKETCH. 

A BED-ROOM SCENE! MUSTARD HAS TAKEN A RISE! 

"WHERE IS THE FLOUR?" 



IT WILL DRAW AS WELL AS UNCLE TOM'S CABIN— A 
DRAMA OF THE SOUTH. JUST PUBLISHED. 

MILLIE,™ QUADROON; 



•o°-3- OR, -^-o — 



OUT OF BONDAGE. 






A DBAMA IN FIVE ACTS, BY LIZZIE MAY ELWYN, 
AUTHOR OF DOT; THE MINER'S DAUGHTER. 

ORDER A COPY-ONLY 15 CENTS. 

ACT I— Scene 1st.— Home of Fred Grover— Priscilla, Fred's 
old maid sister— Fred's return from the South— His present to Pris- 
cilla, of Gyp, a "little nigger"— Gyp da. ices— Millie's horror of 
slavery— Gyp's happiness— Song and dance. 

ACT II. — Scene 1st. — News of cousin Charlie, an old lover of 
Millie's— Gyp and Siah's soda water, an amusing scene— Priscilla, 
her horror of being kissed by "a man" — Millie vindicates herself by 
revealing the secret of her life to Charlie, which is heard by Daville 
—Gyp— Meeting of Millie and Daville— Daville reveals Millie's se- 
cret to Isadore, his betrothed — Comic scene between Gyp and Siah. 

ACT III.— Scene 1st.— Evil designs of Daville and Isadore— 
Millie, the child of old Harriet, the slave — Meeting of Isadore and 
Harriet, her threat, "You are my child"— Isadore attempts her mur- 
der by pushing her over the cliff; she is rescued by Daville— Isadore 
reveals her love for Fred, which Millie and Charlie overhear — Millie's 
anguish and final blow — "No wife, aslave !" — Quarrel of Daville and 
Charlie— Isadore's search for the body of old Harriet. Scene 2d.— 
Escape of Charlie — A piece of Priscilla' < mind — Her promise to 
Millie — Oath of Isadore — Millie's flight. Scene 3d. — Daville gives an 
account of the shooting and supposed flight of Millie with Charlie — 
Priscilla on her mettle— Supposed suicide of Milllie— A LAPSE OF 
SEVEN YEARS. 

ACT IV. — Scene 1st. — Daville accuses Isadore, now Mrs. Grover, 
of Harriet's murder— Millie, as Sister Agnes, the French governess- 
Return of Charlie— Fred's anger and Priscilla's interference. Scene 
2d. — Charlie disguised as old Nathan — Millie's letter found which 
explains her flight — Fred's remorse — Daville and Isadore recognize 
Millie— Their plot against her discovered by old Nathan. 

ACT V.— Scene 1st.— Southern Plantation— Priscilla discovers 
Sister Agnes, as Millie — Her anger at being kissed by a nigger — 
Daville threatens Isadore with slavery — Attempted murder of Pris- 
cilla— Scene between Gyp and Siah. Scene 2d.— Millie a slave— 
Daville offers her marriage — Millie tied to the whipping post — Her 
rescue by Gyp. Scene 3d. — Millie and Gyp in the swamp — At- 
tempted capture — Rescued by Charlie — Old Harriet clears the mys- 
tery of Millie and Isadore's birth— "There is but one way left, 
death"— -Arrest of Daville— Death of Charlie— Reconciliation of Fred 
and Millie, who is freed from bondage. 



¥ 



iinies' Plays — Continued. 



^ 



65 

31 

21 

123 

20 

175 

8 

86 

22 

84 

225 

49 

72 

19 

42 

18S 

220 

148 

21 S 

224 

233 

154 

184 

209 

13 

06 

116 

120 

103 

50 

140 

74 

35 

47 

95 

11 

99 

82 

182 

127 

228 

106 

139 

231 

235 

69 

1 

153 

23 

208 

212 

32 

186 

44 

244 

33 

246 

57 

217 

165 

195 

258 



FARCES CONTINUED. 

An Unwelcome Return 3 1 

A Pet o the Public 4 2 

A Roinantc Attachment 3 3 

A Thrilling Item 3 1 

A Ticket of Leave 3 2 

Betsey Baker 2 2 

Better Half 5 2 

Black vs. White 4 2 

Captain Smith 3 3 

Cheek Will Win 3 ti 

Cupi s Capers 4 4 

DerTwo Surprises 1 1 

Deuce is in Uiiu 5 1 

Did 1 Dream it 4 3 

Domes ic Felicity 1 1 

Dutch Prize Fi.h er 3 

Dutchyvs. Nigger 3 

Eh? W at Did YouSay 3 1 

Everybody Astonished 4 

Fool ng with the Wrong Man 2 1 
Freezing a Mother-in-Law... 2 1 

Fun in a Post Offica 4 2 

Family Discipline 1 

(loose with the (Jul den Eggs.. 5 3 

(Jive .Me Mv Wife 3 3 

Han . the Dutch J. P 3 1 

Hash 4 2 

II. M. S. Pluui 1 1 

How Sister Paxey got her 

Child B [.ti/. d 2 1 

How She ha> Own Way 1 3 

Bow He Popped the Quest'n. 1 1 

How t > Tame M-in-Lnw 4 2 

HowStout lour (retting 5 2 

In the Wrong Box 3 

In the Wrong Clothes 5 3 

John Smith 5 3 

Jumbo J mn 4 3 

Kiiln: T me 1 1 

Kittie' Wedding Cake 1 3 

Lick Skillet Wedding 2 2 

Lauderbaeh's Little Surprise 3 

Lodgings fo>" Two 3 

Matrimonial Bliss 1 ] 

Match for a Mother-in-Law.. 2 2 

More Blunders than one 4 3 

Mother'.- Fool 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Pringle 7 4 

Mr. Hudson's T'ger Hunt 1 1 

My Heart's in Highlands 4 3 

y Pree ous Betsey 4 4 

My Turn Next 4 3 

M Wife'-- Relations 4 4 

My Day and Now-a-Days 1 

Obedience 1 2 

d < lorhes 3 

On the Sly 3 2 

<>■ ello 4 1 

Paddy Miles' Boy 5 2 

Ptten Washing Machine 4 1 

Pers cuted Dutchman 6 3 

Poor Pilicody 2 3 

Prot'.Bones'Latestlnvention 5 



NO. 

159 
171 
180 

48 
138 
115 

55 
24 1 
232 
2.8 
137 

40 
245 

38 
131 
101 
167 

ii.S 

54 
23 

28 
142 
213 
151 
5 

56 

70 
185 
147 
155 

111 
157 



204 
15 
172 
98 
222 
214 
145 
190 
249 

230 
153 
24 

23 i 
247 
77 
88 
2515 
128 
259 
90 
61 
234 
150 
109 
134 
177 
9) 
107 



M F. 

Quiet Family 4 4 

Rough Diamond 4 3 

Ripples 2 

Sch ap< J 1 

Sewing Circle of P riod 5 

S. II. A. M. P nafore 3 3 

Somebody's Nobody 3 2 

Sports on a Lark 3 

Stage S; ruck Yank e 4 2 

Strawberry Sh rtcake 2 

Taking the Census 1 1 

'lh t Mysterious B'd e 2 2 

Ticket 'laker 3 

T e Bewitched Closet 5 2 

The Cigarette 4 2 

The C( ining .Man 3 1 

Turn II in Uut 3 2 

The Sham Prof ssor 4 

The Two T.J's i 2 

. he Best Cur 1 1 

iliiry-thee Next Birthday.. 4 2 

Tit tor Tat 2 1 

Vermont Wool Dialer 5 3 

Wanted 11 Has and 2 1 

When Women Weep 3 •» 

Wooing Under Difficult. e 5 3 

\\ h, ( 11 wiil he Marry 2 ,•■ 

Widowe 's Tri Is 4 5 

Waki g Him Up 1 2 

Why they Joined the Re- 
becca- 4 

Yankee Duciist 3 1 

Ya kee Peddler 7 3 

ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

Academy of Star- 6 

An Unhappy Pair 1 1 

ti aek Ni tmaker 4 i 

Black Statue 4 2 

Colored Senators 3 

(hoos 3 

Cull's Luck 2 1 

Crimps Tr p 5 

Double Electi 11 9 1 

Fetter Lane to Cravescnd 2 

Hamlet the Dainty 6 I 

Hauuted House 2 

Handy Andy 2 

Hypochondriac 1 ne 2 

Incompatibility 01 Temper... I 2 

Joe's Vis t 2 I 

Mischievois Nigger 4 2 

Midnight C' U- 2 1 

Musical D rkey 2 

Nobody's M ke 5 2 

No Cure N< Pay 3 I 

Not as Deaf as He Scon* 3 

Old 1) id's Cabin 2 1 

0;dPo:np«y 1 I 

Other P.- p'e's ( h Idtmi 3 2 

Pomp's Pranks 2 

Qua' rel 01. o S rvanjts 3 

Rim in- to I, t 2 I 

bchool 5 11 



on. 



.rB 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 






'Plays— L 



017 1984543 4 

LIJJL LJ.JJ.ULtj Li. 



NO. M. F. 

ETHIOPIAN FARCES-CONTUED. 



133 Seeing Boating 

179 Sham Doctor 

94 16,000 Years Ago.. 



25 Sport with a Sportsman 2 

02 Stage Struck Darkey.... 2 1 

241 Struck by Lightning 2 2 

10 Stocks Up, Stocks Down 2 n 

64 That Boy Sam 3 1 

252 That Awful Carpet Bag 3 

122 The Select School 5 

118 The Popcorn Man., 

6 The Studio 

108 Those Awful Boys. 

4 Twain's Dodging.... 

197 Tricks 

198 Uncle Jeff.. 



170 U. 3: Mail 2 2 



216 Vice Versa. 



3 1 



206 
210 

•jo.; 
205 
156 



17 

130 



215 



250 



260 



Villkpns and Dinah 4 

Virginia Mummy 6 

Who Stole tho Chickens 1 

William Tell 4 

Wig-Mnker a id 11 is Servants 3 

GUIDE BOOKS. 



Hints mi Elocution. 
Hints lo Amateurs.. 



CANTATA. 

On to Victory 4 

TABL iAUX. 

Festival of Days 

PANTOMIME. 
Cousin John's Album 



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PREPARED WOOL. 

PREPARED WOOL IS AN ARTICLE THA T E VEH Y ONE, 

WIT HO I T T A N Y E XP ER I E X < /•/. CA .V 

MAKE IN T(t 

WIGS! 

BEARDS! 

MUSTACHES ! 

ETC., ETC. 

AT VEBY LITTLE COST, AND W LI BE SURE TO 
GIVE SLA TISFACTION. 

--«** PRICE 50 CENTS PER OUNCE. **u- 

Address, 

AM US' PUBLISHING CO., 
.. 30X 102. CLYDE, OHIO. 



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